This is a little unorthodox for me. Normally I would try to not express my feelings online in front of the public eye. However at this point, I don’t know if there is anyone out in the internet that would read this post. Feels like no matter what I do, I go unheard, so I don’t care anymore. I’m bringing it raw, because I am tired of keeping it bottled in.
We work so hard to get nowhere. I wish there was something I could do about it. Our backing and support is just not where it should be. Everyone wants us to quit. Quit drawing, quit developing games, quit having a life… and it has reached a point where I am sick and tired of hearing the same crap.
It never ends, all the time no matter what we do, we work as hard as we can, it pays off, then BOOM, something stupid outside of doing the work, ruins the whole thing and we end up being back at square one. Its a broken record of phrases – It doesn’t make money, I can’t help you anymore, get a job, you have to do what you don’t like to make it.
KILL THE DREAM…………….
Is this is how we are to live? Why bother living if we give our children so much hope and wonder, suggesting to them all their lives that they can live their dreams, reach their goals. The sky is the limit?! I refuse! I refuse, I REFUSE!!!!! We have worked hard to the highest limits. Over 200 web games, Over 300 mobile apps, Over 2000 drawings, Over 1000 how to draw videos, Over hundreds of Hours of streaming, Over 100 logos designed, so much work, but we can’t pay a single bill. We struggle with money month after month ever since October 25th 2014. The day our world had changed. We have seen our friends and family turn our backs on us several times as if our success before then meant absolutely nothing. Mobile game sales plumeted from 5 figures to a measly $10 a month, (if its on Amazon it could get refunded at any time, so $0 sometimes) Ad companies CPM drops to places behind the decimal point, so its $0 everyday, doesn’t matter mobile or web it sucks; Tier 1 US traffic too. Youtube not that it made much, but since the new rule, its erased. Art store sales dropped to nothing since we couldn’t sell anything for an entire week. *sigh* Its like all of this is done to us on purpose.
Everyone around us says, just get a job, you’re talented. Oh yeah? Where? Its so easy to say, but no one can say anything more than that. Oh you won’t get one because you’re lazy. You can’t be picky, just do the job even if its cleaning toilets (which I did work a job like that after high school, and its far from a bad job). I guess working for pennies everyday over 60 hours a week for our business is considered lazy. I am up until 7am just about every night still working trying to figure out how we can turn our situation around. Everyday. No one believes us, no one hears us, no one will help us, no one….. just no one. I wish we could get things rolling again. I am tired of crying and drowning in my sorrows of what we used to have. how happy we used to be living our dream of developing video games, independent and free. All we have is our skills, and I feel so empty if I can’t use any of it because of not being able to pay for anything.
Back in 2008 I tried to do this and work a job. I was under performing on both the job and my business (falling asleep which programming our first ice cream maker game after I got off at 11pm, and didn’t finish the game to add it on the site until 4am). Google Adsense picked up in revenue, so I decided to take a leave of absence for a month to see if we could keep this up (Yes Dream-Maidens). It was great, so we kept on going and I resigned from my job. I’ve been full-time since 2008. 10 years in the game, and now everyone wants us to throw in the towel. They say, oh don’t quit, just work a job for a bit and come back to it. Lets be honest here, technology changes so much, everyday is a new adventure. Let’s think of it in terms of food. You receive a hot plate of delicious food, but, because of circumstances beyond your control, you can’t eat it right away, so by taking that advice, you would have to put the hot delicious food down and leave it (no telling who or what may get into it, or if it will be there at all), so because you couldn’t eat it right away, off the back it did what? GETS COLD. If you are thinking about alternatives to heating the food back up when you return, you are part of the problem. I AM NOT KICKING THE CAN DOWN THE ROAD, NOR WILL I CONDONE DELAYS BECAUSE OF CIRCUMSTANCES. Its just not happening, especially when the delay is done on purpose. Look, I am a good person. I have faults, and I try my best to be truthful as much as possible, I keep my nose clean. I don’t consume alcohol or anything of recreation that deals with a substance (not that its bad, I just don’t do it). My entertainment is video games, cartoons and comic books, and I create games, comics, and cartoon characters. My life is simple, but without money, things get complicated. Its either we scrape by or we are behind. I would like to get past that, and use our skills to be on top.
I wish they would either support us or leave us be.
I wish we can continue developing games like we were.
I wish we can afford things so we can update our outdated equipment. I’ve had my Cintiq since 2009.
SO, I have came to a solution that no one will like, and that is to keep creating and praying so my wish comes true. I had enough of the fear, I have have enough of the uncertainty. I am marching in a different direction than most, but it is the most rewarding feeling to do it when everyone thinks we are fools. We are the laughing stock in our society, we are the stupid fools, we are the idiots that won’t “take what we can get”, we are the crazy people that are stubborn with our goals. I don’t care anymore. I will do this. So prepare for more games and prepare for whatever comes, because we are not giving up. We can go wherever and always shine. It will make you mad, and you will want to impede our goals but you will never stop us. I hate feeling like a villain, but if you want me to, I will. My heart is filled with courage to look at society in the eye and tell it to kiss my skill, and the will of the creator will empower us to make our own path and light the way. We are good people, and we will persevere our goals. That is living, not existing. Our legacy is made by taking risks and taking on challenges that no one will accept.
I’m done. I feel better.